Sunday, December 5, 2010

NEW AND IMPROVED HUMANS

There are some parts of human anatomy that are  poorly engineered and could be replaced by better bits of other life-forms:

1) 
Sharks’ teeth (polyphydont dentition), whereby old, damaged teeth are constantly replaced with new ones.  This would eliminate dentists, who are expensive and weird.
2) 
Ferns and moss instead of hair. This way we could have photosynthesis and not our current convoluted digestive system with the toxic end-product.  We’d have sap and nice green complexions. 
3)  Kangaroo pouches would eliminate the need for baby-sitting and handbags.
4)  Gazelle hooves would make shoes unnecessary, especially high heels. Little cat feet are also a good alternative. The claws could be useful and the furry toes would permit greater sneaking ability.
5)  Eucalyptus bark for skin. Smooth and grey/green and when it gets old and dry, it just splits, peels off and you have new smooth bark. A bit like human skin of course, but more dramatic.
6)  I'd also rather like having pangolin scales. So elegant, we could look like living artichokes and roll up in a defensive ball. That long tongue also looks like fun.
7)  Of course the dazzling good-looks of feline fur would beat clothes anytime. I don’t fancy all that licking, though. Since tigers swim, do they still have to lick?

8)  And definitely, a TAIL. We humans are always falling over because we were designed to walk on all fours rather than upright on two legs. A tail would stabilise us and we could wag it to show others that we were pleased or pissed off. A prehensile tail would be handy for strap-hanging and driving while putting on makeup. I do also quite fancy a peacock tail.  Useless, but spectacular. I’d be so impressed if a guy walked up to me and did this:
 Photo: Lassi Kurijarvi 2009
Thanks to Rhiannon Paine and Dale Evans 
for their participation in this fantasy.
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2 comments:

Emily Benet said...

V good suggestions. I'd love a kangaroo pouch, in leopard skin fur... and definitely a tail!

Nora Lumiere said...

Yes, we are so pitiful without fur or feathers. I wouldn't mind having leaves that changed colour too.